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Our exlusive retailer!Let's be honest, somewhere in the recesses of your soul, you've wanted to do more than just feed the baby. Burping the baby was fun at first. Changing the baby's diaper was the greatest thrill of your life, but after years and years, and years and years, it almost became routine.


Your baby is now as boring as rummaging through your ex-wife's garbage, or collecting your toenail clippings in a jar of your own urine. Same as every other day, right?


Now there is an alternative. You can SHAVE the baby! Simply fill the baby's specially designed fuel cell with cheap malt liquor, or tears, and it will continuously grow real human hair. Somehow. Not convinced? View our "pretty shitty" video, or our "meh" animation.


Available exclusively at Yankee Candle. Call (202) 456-1111 to order!


home is where the baby's heart is
Yeah, I know.